Friday, August 28, 2009

There I go

dropped off the face of the Earth again. Do you ever have a period where some things are just to tough/detailed/unsure to talk about them, and because of them you don’t feel like talking about anything else? Well that’s why I am. Some MAJOR things are going on here, luckily not health things really, and one of them is just to up in the air to feel comfortable posting to the whole world, and one is just tough. My life is so stuck in this little ball of these two things right now. The other day I tried to take a relaxing trip out of the house by myself to get my mind off of the stuff, and instead got a business call in the car.

1- I got a HUGE opportunity, very literally a dream come true, and if it works out it is HUGGGGEEEEEE, but one very major wall is in the way right now. I don’t want to talk about it, then the wall not come down, and me have to explain it to everyone. I’ve wanted to open a store for 13 years. The idea came to me when I was just a kid and I’ve clung to the dream for all these years. Recently I was offered a store front free for a year! All I have to due is secure funding for inventory, start-up expenses, equipment, etc etc. Hence the wall. Where exactly is a family with one person working, who lives in an expensive area, supposed to scrape up that kind of money?? And one business advisor very bluntly told me getting a loan is “impossible” and we’d have to have probably $20,000 in cash to even ask for it! Though another, nicer, adviser said otherwise.

2- We’ve been having some behavior issues, and more, with Blu. I’m concerned about his “speech delay” not being JUST a delay but something bigger. He had an appointment today with a local speech therapist and, well I didn’t like it. She didn’t answer my questions (When is a delay not just a delay, when is it something bigger?) At one point I felt she was pressuring me to ask Blu if he needed help, and then she pretty much fussed at me for helping him before he asked, but he DID ask and she didn’t hear it or see him looking at me apparently.  It was very hard to get a word in edgewise, and she seemed very quick to put kids in a little cookie cutter box. She doesn’t seem to understand how insanely smart Blu is and wants me to dumb everything down for him. I feel like she of all people should know that a speech delay doesn’t mean he’s slow.  She generally didn’t seem to listen when I was trying to explain how MUCH Blu does talk using the words and signs he knows. I was told to keep a list of the “next 25 vocalizations” after they left (his regular developmental specialist came too) and I tried to explain that that is pretty much one conversation with him. She made me feel as though it was a huge number of items and she’d get such a good idea of his vocabulary and noise making ability, but instead it was “eat, eat mama.” “now” “mailman” Pretty much he wanted lunch, got lunch, and the mailman came while he was eating lunch.  She didn’t seem to get that Blu is different then most kids, and won’t fit in her box. If he doesn’t like a method he’ll make sure it DOESN”T work. So when I said, well what if he doesn’t like it? She said she didn’t care, then said if he’ll throw furniture, spit on the floor, etc then it’s time for the behavioral specialist. My thoughts on that? It’s OBVIOUS he is frustrated and unlike most kids he can’t say “Mama I don’t want to be in time out, please let me out. Can I get down now?” He shows me with some bad behavior. They left the meeting with me feeling it was completely wasted, and feeling horrible, and with NO questions answered anyway. I think it would have been better for him, and his development if she wasn’t there at all. Maybe I didn’t assert myself enough?  I tend to do that. I was told I am the best “fast-talker” she’s ever heard, and that “despite my very fast method of speech I just NAIL it all, not a dropped letter, all well enunciated,….”  I’m not sure how that helps Blu though. But we are going to start a regular oral motor play group.  And my favorite aspect of it, she made it clear the whole problem is how I talk to him, what I say, how fast I talk, etc (please let me insert there that while I DO tend to talk fast, I had to talk that much faster when she was here because I felt she was going to cut me off at any second and I had to try to act fast) but she says that his delay is not my “fault” and that some kids just need… So she went on an on about how I’m doing just everything wrong, but then says apparently it doesn’t matter anyway?

So in not talking about it I just told you everything. I think in a funny way that is how blogging works. First you get this ‘I can’t just disappear I have followers feeling,’ then you open up to explain you have reasons for being away, then since you’re open the words just flow out like a babbling brook, or maybe more like an exploding volcano? I still don’t feel like talking though. The funny thing is I have some AWESOME stuff to share, a rainbow of mushrooms from a nature hike (ever seen a pink one?) , a VERY humorous AND VERY painful story from the same hike,  and I have instructions and picture tutorial for a neat easy and cheap notebook. I make them literally by the dozen.

And I just realized I sent an email today that THE speech pathologist will read, and my signature says “Read my Blog at ….com” So L, if you’re reading this, I’m sure you’re a nice person. I just feel it was a bad day, a bad appointment, and maybe a  bad connection between the two of us.

Stay tuned!

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