Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Depression

It happens. Whether you get it on a clinical can’t-break-out-of-it scale, or just a bit of it now and then, I KNOW it happens to everyone. Just down in the dumps, in a funk, not feelin it, just ugh, we’ve created a million different ways to describe it, to downplay it, to make ourselves comfortable with it. I have it now. I would say I feel undervalued, but really I feel more overvalued. I feel as though I bring nothing to the table. The family table and the world table. Yet my hubby still loves me.  I’ve completely slacked on doing any kind of school with Blu, and he won’t even attempt to do it with me if I try. The other day I had a very special dinner, complete with out of town parents visiting and a special reconnected loved one, and I failed. The food was bad. I spent more time cooking then I wanted to, and no idea why, it’s usually a fast recipe. I just feel like a complete failure.

I’ve been in a “Spiritual Friendship” group, and am supposed to be writing or crafting daily, and I just can’t bring myself to do much of anything. The ideas feel like they could burst out of my head, but it’s like I won’t allow myself to go sit in my craft room and actually create.

In more ways then one I’m holding myself back, because I’m just down in the dumps. In a funk. I just feel so ughhh.

Maybe it’s just because the holidays are over, the very anticipated visit with my parents is over, and now it is a new year that I entered with the same ol’ issues.

I’ve been short with Blu. I feel so bad when I’m short tempered with him.

I’ve been neglecting my blog. I have ideas for more regular features, general things I’d like to share with you, a fabulous gift to talk about, but I just can’t seem to bring myself to do anything. I’m jokingly blaming it on the computer, since I got a new one (and that isn’t even the main fab gift) “I just want to be on it” I find myself saying. I just want to use it, and enjoy having a computer that really works! It is part that I think, and part that I just don’t want to do anything and being on the computer is easy.  

I just feel like a big fat slug. And I absolutely HATE slugs, they make me nearly vomit, seriously.

So, few readers out there, thank you for sticking around and not dropping my blog like  a bad habit. Any tips on how to feel like I’m worth something again??

1 comment:

maryanne @ mama smiles said...

Sorry to hear you've been feeling down. From your most recent tweet it sounds as if you are starting to feel better?

Your blog header is darling!