Saturday, August 7, 2010

Blogging- a Vicious Circle

It has occurred to me that blogging is a vicious cycle.  “But blogging is fun” you say. “There’s nothing vicious about it,” You declare. How can it possibly be a vicious circle?

This is how blogging works for me:

I blog regularly, I read other blogs daily, I take photos for my blog, I craft for my blog, I post, I share, I read.

Then I start to pressure myself. “How comes THEIR house is so nice and well decorated, and mine isn’t? They don’t have any amazing trick. Why am I so messy?” “How do they get so much time to craft but I barely get in my craft room? They have kids too! And they only show their good crafts certainly, so they have enough time to make crappy ones too that they never show!” And then I spiral into this self-hatred and beat myself up.

SO then I take time off from blogging. I stop reading tons of blogs, I barely read any blogs. Usually my blogging break leads to less writing for my own blog.

Which leads to not taking pictures for my blog, not writing, no crafting to show, no inspiration from other blogs to make me want to craft. I step almost completely out of the blogging world, and in turn out of the crafting world.

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THEN I beat myself up. I am angry that I haven’t even been in my craft room. I am frustrated to not have a single creative idea to speak of. I am furious with myself for not writing, for not sharing that despite his speech issue Blu is learning to do The Itsy Bitsy Spider. For not sharing the amazing cupcakes I made. For letting memories and ideas die instead of blogging, instead of embracing them, instead of sharing them. I get truly depressed when I don’t craft, when I don’t write. 

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I HAVE to make stuff, it’s something I discovered many years ago. I truly HAVE to make things, or I spiral into a deep dark place, I get obsessed with things. Homeschooling, paint colors for the house (though we probably won’t paint for months.) My brain has nothing to focus on and so I focus on everything and nothing all at once. It’s not pretty. I am at my absolutely worst when crafting is not a part of my life.

So then I start blogging again, first by reading, then taking pictures, getting ideas of what to write about. And then the cycle starts all over again.

When does the cycle stop? Is it as simple as saying I will make it stop?

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